英語笑話可以使你成為一個大氣的人。小事斤斤計較的人，你可以多看看英語笑話，慢慢的你英語成績還會變好哦。下面由本站小編為大家整理的英語笑話集。
there's only ONE policeman
One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk." "But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"
一天，父親與小兒子一道回家。這個孩子正處於那種對什麼事都很感興趣的年齡，老是有提不完的問題。他向父親發問道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什麼意思?”“唔，孩子，”父親回答說，“你瞧那兒站著兩個警察。如果我把他們看成了四個，那麼我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子說，“那兒只有一個警察呀!”
The Name of a Poet
Our teacher was telling us about a new system of memory training being used in some schools today. It works like this, she said. Suppose you wanted tore member the name of a poetRobert Burns, for instance. She told us to think of him as Bobby Burns. Now get in your head a picture of a London policeman, a bobby in flames. See? Bobby Burns! I see what you mean, said the class know it all. But how can you tell that it's Not Robert Browning?
我們的老師正在給我們介紹現在某些學校使用的一種新的記憶訓練系統。這個系統是這樣的，她說，假定你要記住一個詩人的名字，例如，要記住羅伯特·彭斯的名字。她告訴我們把他當作博比·彭斯，讓你的腦海裡閃現出一個倫敦警察的形象，燃燒著的警察。明白嗎?警察燃燒! 我明白你的意思，班上的萬事通說，但是你怎麼能說那就不是羅伯特·布朗寧呢?
"孩子"的複數形式
Teacher: What is the plural of man, Tom?
Tom: Men.
Teacher: Good. And the plural of child?
Tom: Twins.
老師：湯姆，‘男人’這個詞的複數形式是什麼?
湯姆：男人們。
老師：答得好。那‘孩子’的.複數形式呢?
湯姆：雙胞胎。
Another 40 Years to live
A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked if this was it. God said, "No you have another 43 years, 2 months, and 8 days to live." Upon recovery the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face lift, lip-suction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck, etc. She even had someone come in and change her hair color, figuring since she had so much more time to live, she might as well make the most of it. She got out of the hospital after the last operation and while crossing the street was killed by an ambulance speeding to the hospital. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 Years? "God replied, "I didn't recognize you."
一名中年婦女心臟病突發被送到了醫院， 在手術檯上，瀕臨死亡之際，她看到了上帝， 於是，她問上帝是不是她的日子到頭了。 上帝回答說，“還沒有，你還能活43年，2個月零8天。” 身體快要康復的時候，這名女士想到自己還要活那麼多年，得好好對待自己，於是決定先不出院，而是去給自己整整容，吸吸脂，隆隆胸，然後還做了一個腹部拉皮和其它一些美容美體手術。 她甚至還請人到醫院裡面幫她頭髮給染了。 做完最後一個手術，這位女士出院了， 但就在過馬路的時候，她被一輛風馳電摯趕回醫院的救護車給撞死了。 再一次，她又站到了上帝的面前，她大惑不解地問上帝，“我記得你說我還能再活40年?” 上帝回答，“那個時候我沒認出你來”。