While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den(私室，賊窩) . What is the big brass gong(鑼) and hammer for? one of his friends asked. That is the talking clock, the man replied. How's it work?
Watch, the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, Knock it off, you idiot! It's two o'clock in the morning!
一個學生帶他朋友們參觀他的新公寓，甚是得意。那個大銅鑼和錘子是幹什麼用的?他的一個朋友問他。那玩意兒厲害了，那是一個會說話的鐘，學生回答。這鐘怎麼工作的，他的朋友問。看著，別眨眼了，那學生走上前一把操起銅鑼和錘子，拼命地敲了一下，聲音震耳欲聾。突然，他們聽到隔壁牆那邊有人狂叫，別敲了，你這白痴!現在是凌晨兩點鐘了!。”
On her return from school，little Dolly，aged ten，was pulled on to her Daddy's knee，and informed that the fairies had that day brought a big surprise a little baby see med glad，and presently said：
“Will you give me a stamp，daddy?I want to write and tell brother Tom.”
The father was touched by this，and provided the little lass with the materials to write a letter to her brother，who was away at r，curious to know how she would tell the news，he took an opportunity to read what she had received something of a shock on reading the following：
“Dear Tom， It's come off 've lost;it's a boy.”
放學回到家裡，十歲的小多莉被拉過來坐在她爸爸的膝上，她被告知那天仙女們帶來了一個大大的驚奇——一個嬰兒小弟弟。她似乎很高興，馬上說：
“爸爸，你能不能給我一張郵票?我要寫信告訴湯姆哥哥。”
父親被這話感動了，他為小姑娘提供了給她哥哥寫信所需的各種用具，她的哥哥住在學校裡。後來，想知道她是怎麼報告這個訊息的，他找機會讀了她寫的信。在讀到下面這兩行字時，他差點兒驚呆了：
“親愛的湯姆：今天結果出來了，你輸了;是個男孩。”
One evening，in the midst of dinner preparation，our 10 yearold daughter asked，“Mom my， what's puberty?”My wife was rushed at the moment，so she suggested that Peggy look up the word in the dictionary，after which they could talk about it.
A few minutes later，Peggy mother asked what the dictionary had said.“Puberty means，”announced Peggy，“the earliest age at which a girl is able to bear children.”
“What do you think of that?” my wife asked.
“I'm not sure，” Peggy replied.“I've always been able to bear 's adults I can't bear.”
一天晚上，在準備晚飯的時候，我們十歲的女兒問：“媽媽，什麼是青春期?”我的妻子此時正忙得不亦樂乎，所以她建議佩吉到字典上查這個詞，然後她們可以再討論它。
幾分鐘以後，佩吉回來了。她媽媽問字典上怎麼說。“青春期的意思是，”佩吉宣佈：“一個女孩能忍受孩子的.最早年齡。”
“你怎麼想呢?”我妻子問。
“我不知道，”佩吉回答。“我總能忍受孩子。讓我忍受不了的是大人。”
There was a small boy who had been given a little terrier for his very own，on which he bestowed the name of Paddy，and loved was very saddened by the fact that he could not take his pet away with him on his holidays，which he was spending with some relatives in the country.
Whilst he was away Paddy's young life was cut short by an unfortunate adventure with a boy's mother feared he would take the news very hardly on his return;she broke it very gently，therefore，and was rather surprised that the little lad did not seem much r，however，she heard him weeping lustily in his was inarticulate with grief，but his brother explained that he was crying“about Paddy”.
“But，” said the mother，“I told him about it this morning，and he did not seem to mind!”
The brother explained，“yes，but he thought you said Daddy.”
從前有一個小男孩，他得到了一條完全屬於他自己的小獵狗。他給小狗取名帕蒂，對它寵愛萬分。他要到鄉下一些親戚家去度假，可又不能帶上他的寵物，為此他很傷心。
他不在家的時候，帕蒂在一次不幸的車禍中失去了年輕的生命。男孩的母親怕他回家時聽到這個訊息太難過;因此她相當小心地把這個訊息透露給他，而頗為令人驚訝的是小夥子看起來並不怎麼在意。可是，後來她聽見他在床上哭得死去活來。他傷心得說不出話來，但是他的哥哥解釋說他在“為帕蒂”痛哭。
“可是，”這位母親說：“我今天早晨告訴他了，他好像根本不在乎啊!”
他哥哥解釋說：“是的，可他以為你說的是爸爸。”
It was a cold，raw day at p Clark was discussing the gamins of the cities with an English latter expatiated on the wit of the London type of the k declared that if the Englishman were to ask any Washington street urchin any question，the urchin would make sallied forth.
“What time is it，Bub?They tell me you can tell time by your nose，”said the visitor to the first newsboy they met.
“Ask your own，mister，mine ain't run nin’，”was the reply.
這是華盛頓的一個陰冷天。錢普·克拉克正和一個來訪的英國人討論城市的流浪兒，英國人詳細地敘述著倫敦式天才的機智。克拉克宣稱，要是對方向華盛頓街上任何一個兒童提任何問題，那孩子都會對答如流。他們便出發了。
“什麼時候了，小兄弟?人們說你能用鼻子報時。”
回答是：“先生，問問你自己的吧，的不在走呢。”