笑植根於心,心鎖則悶,心開則笑。下面由本站小編給大家帶來的英語笑話，希望你開心。
拳擊和賽跑
Dan is teaching his son how to box. As he does so, he left his friend, "This is a tough world, so I’m teaching my boy to fight." Friend: "But suppose he comes up against someone much bigger than he is, who’s also been taught how to box." Dan: "I’m teaching him how to run, too."
丹在教他的兒子怎樣拳擊。他告訴他的朋友：“這是一個粗暴的世界，所以我要教我的兒子怎麼去拼搏。”朋友：“如果他碰上的對手是一個比他高大，健壯而且也會拳擊的人怎麼辦?”丹：“我也會教他怎麼樣賽跑呢。”
我沒有看到另外一塊
Mother: I left two pieces of cake in the cupboard this morning, Johnny, and now there is only one piece left. Can you explain that?Johnny: Well, I suppose it was so dark that I didn’t notice the other.
媽媽：約翰尼，我今天早上在櫥子裡放了兩塊點心。現在就剩下一塊了。你能解釋一下嗎?約翰尼：嗯，我想是因為裡面太黑我沒看到另外那塊。
醫生住在樓下
"Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me."
He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants reducing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist---the doctor lives downstairs."
“我想讓你坦率地說我到底得了什麼病。”
他從頭到腳打量打量她，然後大聲說：“太太，我有三件事要對你說。第一，您的體重需要減少大約50磅;第二，如果您要用上十分之一的`胭脂和口紅，您的美貌將會改變。第三，我是一位畫家——醫生住在樓下。”
三人同舟
Three men were sitting on a park bench. The one in the middle was reading a newspaper; the others were pretending to fish. They baited imaginary hooks, cast lines and reeled in their catch.
A passing policeman stopped to watch the spectacle and asked the man in the middle if he knew the other two.
"Oh yes, " he said. "They are my friends.
"In that case, " warned the officer, "you'd better get them out of here!"
"Yes, sir, " the man replied, and he began rowing furiously.
三位男子在公園的長椅上坐著。中間的一個在讀報紙，另外兩個在假裝釣魚。他們給想象的魚鉤上魚餌，放線，並卷線把魚抓上來。
一位過路警察駐足觀察了這個景象，他問中間的那個男子是否認識其他兩位。
“喔，認識，”他說，“他們是我的朋友。”
“那樣的話，”警察告誡說，“你最好把他們從這裡弄走。”
“好的，警官。”那男子回答說，接著就開始瘋狂般地做起划槳的動作來。
As If Awakening From A Dream
A competition which subject is on giving up drinking is proceeding. One of lecturers says excitedly, " Alcohol can break down conjugal(婚姻的) relation, even cause your wife to leave you… "
A man shouts out at the news, "Give me another bottle of Brandy."
以戒酒為主題的演講比賽正在進行，一個演講者動情地說：“酒精可以破壞夫妻關係，甚至導致妻子離開自己的丈夫……”
這時一個男人大聲喊：“再來一瓶白蘭地!”
The ability of the Kangaroo 袋鼠的能力
The zoo built a special eight-foot-high enclosure for its newly acquired kangaroo, but the next morning the animal was found hopping around outside. The height of the fence was increased to 15 feet, but the kangaroo got out again. Exasperated, the zoo director had the height increased to 30 feet, but the kangaroo still escaped. A giraffe asked the kangaroo, "How high do you think they'll build the fence?"
"I don't know, " said the kangaroo. "Maybe a thousand feet if they keep leaving the gate unlocked.
動物園為剛引進的袋鼠建了一個特殊的八英尺高的圍牆。但是第二天早上，人們發現這動物在圍牆外面蹦跳著。於是圍牆高度增加到十五英尺，但袋鼠還是跑了出來。動物園經理甚感惱火，又叫人把圍牆高度加到三十英尺，但袋鼠還是逃了出來。一個長頸鹿問袋鼠：“你認為他們會把圍牆建到多高?” “我不知道，”袋鼠說，“如果他們繼續開著大門，可能要修到一千英尺吧。”