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英語笑話大全笑帶翻譯篇一：酒後駕車
Late one night a police officer was patrolling a rowdybar to anticipate possible DUI violations.
一天深夜，一名警察去一個經常有人鬧事的酒吧門口巡邏，為了避免有酒後駕車的情況發生。
At closing time, he saw a fellow tumble out of thebar, trip on the curb, and try his keys in five different cars before he found his.
酒吧打烊了，他看見一個傢伙跌跌撞撞的跑出來，一下摔在路邊，隨後又用鑰匙試著開了五輛車的門才找到他自己的車。
Then he sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes.
坐進車裡，好幾分鐘他又都是在摸著那些鑰匙。
Everyone else left the bar and drove off. Finally he started his engine and began to pull away.
這時人們都從酒吧出來並且開車走了。最後他也發動了車子準備開走，
The police officer was waiting for him and turned on his light and pulled the driver over, readhim his rights and administered the breathalyzer test.
警察已經等這個機會很久了，他開啟燈，把司機從車裡拉出來，給他宣讀了他所享有的法定權利，然後作了酒精的測試。
The test results showed a reading of 0.00.
測試的結果是零，
The puzzled officer demanded to know how could that be.
於是困惑的警察問他是為什麼，
The driver replied, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy!"
司機說：“今晚他們派我當誘餌。”
英語笑話大全笑帶翻譯篇二：離事故有多遠?
A carpenter was giving evidence about an accidenthe had witnessed.
一位木匠正在為他目擊的一起事故作證。
The judge asked him how far away he was from theaccident.
法官問他當時離事發現場有多遠。
The carpenter replied "twenty seven feet, six-and-one-half- inches".
木匠回答，“27英尺，6.5英寸”。
"What? How come you are so sure of that distance?" asked the judge.
法官問：“什麼?你怎麼能這樣確定?”
"Well, I knew some idiot would ask me. So I measured it!" replied the carpenter.
木匠回答，“是啊，我知道一定會有傻瓜問我這個問題，所以我事先測量了一下。”
英語笑話大全笑帶翻譯篇三：電子郵件
A man left for a vacation to Jamaica.
有個人去牙買加度假，
His wife was on a business trip and was planning tomeet him there the next day.
他的妻子正好出差，所以打算在他到之後的第二天去找他。
When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail message.
他到了賓館，想要給妻子發封郵件，
Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his bestto type it in from memory.
但是記著郵箱的紙找不到了，於是他憑著記憶把信發到了一個郵箱。
Unfortunately, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher'swife whose husband had passed away only the day before.
很不幸，他漏掉了一個字母，因此他的信發到了一個老傳教士的妻子的郵箱裡，而傳教士恰好在前一天去世了。
When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out apiercing scream, and fell to the floor dead.
悲痛的老婦人察看郵箱，看著顯示器螢幕她尖叫一聲，隨後就倒在地上死去了。
At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen: "Dearest Wife,Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
聽到她的聲音，家人趕忙跑進她的房間，只見這樣一句話顯示在螢幕上：“親愛的，快來吧。為了你明天的.到來，一切都準備好了。愛你的丈夫。
Your Loving Husband. P.S. Sure is hot down here."
順便說一句，這裡可真夠熱的。”
英語笑話大全笑帶翻譯篇四：
A farmer and his son, traveling by horse and buggy up a narrow lane, met a motorist going the other way. There was no room to pass for two miles in either direction. The motorist, in hurry, honked his horn .
"If you don't back up," said the farmer, rolling up his sleeves, I won't like what I'm going to have to do." The surprised driver put his car in reverse and backed up two miles, allowing the horse and buggy to go by. "What was it you wouldn't have liked to have done back there?" asked the farmer's son.
"Back up two miles," replied the farmer.
一位農夫和他的兒子乘坐輕便馬車來到一段窄路，他們遇到一個開車的人向相反的方向去。兩個方向的兩英里以內都沒有地方可以使他們相擦而過。駕車人甚是著急，按響了喇叭。 “如果你不後退，”農夫說著擼起了袖子，“我可不喜歡我將不得不做的事。”司機吃驚不小，掛上倒擋，向後退了兩英里，讓輕便馬車先過去。
“剛才在那兒你說過的你不喜歡要做的事是什麼?”農夫的兒子問道。
“退後兩英里，”農夫回答道。
英語笑話大全笑帶翻譯篇五：
There was a little old lady who was nearly blind, and she had three sons who wanted to prove which one was the best to her.
從前有一個近乎失明的小老太，她有三個兒子，每一個都想向母親證明自己對她最好。
Son 1 bought her a 15-room mansion, thinking this would surely be the best that any of them could offer her.
第一個兒子為她買下一棟有15個房間的大屋，他覺得這是對母親最好的孝順方式，其他兄弟都比不上。
Son 2 bought her a beautiful Mercedes with a chauffeur included, thinking this would surely win her approval.
二兒子為她買了一輛漂亮的賓士，還配了個司機。他也覺得他一定會贏了。
Son 3 had to do something even better, so he bought her a parrot that he had been training for 15 years to memorize the entire Bible. You could ask the parrot any verse in the Bible, and he could quote it word for word. What a gift that would be.
老三為母親買了一隻鸚鵡。這隻鸚鵡接受了15年的訓練，能一字不落地背誦整部聖經，並且不論你問他什麼，他都能從聖經裡原句引出。
Well, the old lady went to the first son and said, "Son, the house is just gorgeous, but it's really much too big for me. I only live in one room, and it's too large to clean and take care of. I really don't need the house, but thank you anyway." Then she confronted her second son with, "Son, the car is beautiful. It has everything you could ever want on it, but I don't drive and really don't like the chauffeur, so please return the car."
這位老太太對他的第一個兒子說：“孩子，你買的房子很棒。但是它太大了，我只能睡一間屋，還要花時間去 打理剩下的房間，謝謝你，但我實在不需要它。”接著她對二兒子說：“你的車也很好，再不能找到比那更棒的車了，但我不會開車，也不喜歡那個司機，所以你把它拿去推了吧!”
Next, she went to Son 3 and said, "Son, I just want to thank you for your most thoughtful gift. That chicken was delicious."
最後，她對她的小兒子說：“孩子，我要感謝你最棒的禮物!那隻雞實在是美味啊!”