總是有些時候莫名其妙的不開心，心情不佳的時候就會辦什麼都不在狀態，你會這樣麼?這裡小編收集整理了幽默英語笑話大全帶翻譯，讓你的心情速速好起來。
幽默英語笑話大全帶翻譯篇一：開業大吉
A new business was opening ... and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers forthe occasion.
新公司開業了，開業典禮上，經理的一個朋友送他一個花籃。
They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card,.... "Rest in Peace."
經理高聲朗讀著花籃上的賀卡：“安息吧。”
The owner was angry and called the florist to complain.
經理生氣極了，打電話找來賣花的人要質問他是怎麼回事。
After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist replied, "Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry, you should imagine this:somewhere, there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, ..
花店老闆來了，看到這個明顯的`錯誤和經理氣急敗壞的樣子，他說：“我真得很抱歉。但是與其這麼生氣，你倒不如這樣想：有另外一個地方，今天要舉辦一個葬禮，他們將會收到一個花籃，
'Congratulations on your new location!'"
留言條上寫著‘恭喜你有了新的歸屬!’”
幽默英語笑話大全帶翻譯篇二：墓地驚魂
One dark night two guys were walking home after a party and decided to take a shortcutthrough the cemetery.
一個漆黑的夜晚，兩個小夥子參加完聚會，決定抄近路穿過一片墳地走回家。
When they got to about the middle of the graveyard they were startled and stopped e was this terrifying noise, "TAP-TAP-TAP" coming from the shadows.
走到墳地的中間，從陰暗處傳出來恐怖的“嗒、嗒、嗒”聲音，嚇得他們再也走不動了。
Trembling with fear, they spotted an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at oneof the headstones.
渾身顫抖著，他們發現有個老人正拿著榔頭和鑿子鑿一塊墓碑。
"Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his breath.
“噢，主啊，”其中一個屏住呼吸說，
"You SCARED us half to death. We thought you were a GHOST! What are you doing workinghere so late at night?"
“你嚇死我們了，我們還以為你是鬼了。這麼晚了你在這幹什麼呢?”
"Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!!"
“這些傻瓜!”老人抱怨說，“他們拼錯了我的名字!”
幽默英語笑話大全帶翻譯篇三：你納稅了嗎?
A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing with the IRS Tax auditorwho had come to reviewhis records.
一個神色緊張的納稅人正悶悶不樂地和前來查帳的國稅局的稅務審計員交談。
At one point the auditor exclaimed,"Mr. Carelton, we feel it is a great privilegeto be allowed tolive and work in the USA.
審計員一度大聲地說，“Carelton先生，我們認為能在美國生活和工作是莫大的榮幸，
As a citizen you have an obligation to pay taxes,and we expect you to eagerly pay them with asmile"
而作為一個美國公民，您也有納稅的義務。我們希望您能無比樂意地帶著微笑來納稅。”
"Thank goodness"returned Mr. Carelton, with a giant grin on his face,"I thought you were goingto want me to pay with cash."
“謝天謝地”，Carelton先生咧著嘴大笑地回答，“我還以為你們是要我帶著錢來交稅呢!”
幽默英語笑話大全帶翻譯篇四：誰都沒空
I was going to bed the other night when my wife told me that I had left the light on in theshed. She could see from the bedroom window.
那天晚上，我剛要上床睡覺，妻子告訴我說我沒有關儲藏室的燈，她從臥室的窗戶看見那還亮著。
As I looked for myself, I saw that there were people in the shed taking things. I phoned thepolice, but they told me that no one was in this area to help at this time, but they would sendsomeone over as soon as they were available.
我也透過窗戶朝那邊看，發現有幾個人正在偷東西。我趕忙報警，但是警察局說現在沒有警察在我家的這片位置，他們一有了人手就馬上派過來。
I said OK, hung up, and waited one minute, then phoned the police back. "Hello. I just calledyou a minute ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry aboutthem now cause I've shot them all."
我說沒問題，然後掛了電話，等了一分鐘，又給他們打過去：“警察局嗎，一分鐘以前我打過電話來，我告訴你說有人正在我家的儲藏室偷東西。但是現在沒事了，因為我剛剛開槍把他們都打死了。”
Within five minutes there were half a dozen police cars in the area, an Armed Response unit,the works. Of course, they caught the burglars red-handed. One of the officers said: "I thoughtyou said that you'd shot them!" I replied with "I thought you said there was nobody available!"
隨後，五分鐘之內有六輛警車來到了我家，警報也響了。當然，他們當場抓住了竊賊。有個警察對我說：“我記得你說你把他們都打死了。”我回答道：“我記得你說現在誰都沒空。”