導語：笑話大多揭示生活中乖謬的現象，具有諷刺性和娛樂性。其趣味有高下之分。本站小編YJ你挑選了令人噴飯的英語經典笑話大全，希望你會喜歡，一起來歡樂笑笑啊!
1 As a stranger entered a little country store, he noticed a sign warning, "Danger! Beware of dog!" posted on the glass door. Inside, he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register. "Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" he asked the owner. "Yep, that's him," came the reply. The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?" "Because," the owner explained, "Before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him!"
一名陌生人走進一家鄉間小商店，看到玻璃門上帖著的一個告示牌上寫著，“危險! 小心有狗!” 進去後，他看到一條樣子一點都不凶的老狗趴在收款機旁邊的地板上睡覺。 “這就是大夥都得留神的`那隻狗啊?” 陌生人問店主。“是，就是他”，店主回答。 聽到這個回答， 陌生人覺得很好笑。“我覺得那條狗一點都不可怕。 你帖那個告示做什麼?” “因為，” 店主解釋說，“在我帖告示之前， 大夥老被他絆倒。”
2 A husband and wife,both 91,stood before a judge,asking for a divorce."I don't understand,"He said,"Why do you want a divorce at this time of life?"the husband explained "Well , you see,We wanted to wait until the children died."
有一個丈夫和妻子都是91歲，他們站在法官面前，要求離婚。“我不明白，”法官說，“你們為什麼到了這把年紀還要離婚?”丈夫解釋道：“嗯，你是知道的，我們以前是喲等到孩子們都死了。”
3 Younger Scout: How can I tell the difference between a mushroom and a toadstool?
年少的童子軍：我怎樣才能把蘑菇和毒蕈區別開呢?
Older Scout: Just eat one before you go to bed. If you wake up the next morning, it was a mushroom.
年長的童子軍：上床前吃一個。如果你第二天早上醒來，那就是蘑菇。
4 第一次打電話叫TAXI......
對方問where you from.....
我回答CHINA,還在奇怪叫taxi還分國籍~
?對方可能以為我在搞 笑,很鬱悶的說 sorry, we can not do that(抱歉我們去不了).....
我一聽...火大...怎麼有種族歧視啊..
就問: why~?
對方楞了半天,掛了.....
5 After burying his mother nine months earlier, a client of the local mortuary finally had enough money to purchase the expensive coffin he'd originally wanted. So we exhumed the body and transferred his deceased mother into the new steel casket. "What's so special about this coffin?" I asked the funeral director. He replied, "It has a lifetime warranty."
在將母親下葬9個月後，當地殯儀館的一個客戶終於攢夠了錢去買那副他早就相中的價值不菲的棺材了。他把母親的棺材挖了出來，將屍體轉移到了那副新的鋼製棺材中。“這副棺材有什麼特別?”，我問葬禮的承辦人。他回答說，“這種棺材終生保修。
6 "Oh, my poor man," exclaimed the kind old lady， "It must be dreadful to be lame. But it would be much worse if you were blind."
"啊，可憐的人，"善良的老婦人驚歎道。"腳瘸就夠慘的了，要是眼瞎就更糟了。"
"You're absolutely right," said the beggar, obviously an old hand at the game." When I was blind, people kept giving me foreign coins."
"你說的一點兒沒錯，"那乞丐說。他顯然是乞討老手。"我眼瞎的時候，人們老是給我外幣。"
7 Teacher: What is the plural of man,Tom?
老師: 湯姆，“男人”這個詞的複數形式是什麼?
Tom: Men.
湯姆:男人們。
Teacher: Good. And the plural of child?
老師: 答得好。那“孩子”的複數形式呢?
Tom : Twins.
湯姆: 雙胞胎。
8 Little Pete came home from the playground with a bloody1 nose, black eye, and torn clothing.
小彼得從操場回到家時，鼻子流血、黑眼圈及被撕破了衣服。
It was obvious he'd been in a bad fight and lost. His father asked his son what happened. "Well, Dad," said Pete, "I challenged Larry to a duel2. And, you know, I gave him his choice of weapons."
顯然他剛與人惡鬥了一番，而且打輸了。父親問兒子發生了什麼事。“噢，爸爸，彼得說，我向拉里挑起決鬥，而且我讓他挑選武器。”
"Uh-huh," said the father, "that seems fair."
“嗯，”父親說，“這看上去很公平!”
"I know, but I never thought he'd choose his sister!"
“我知道，但我沒想到他選擇了他姐姐!”
9 有個朋友來加拿大第一次去吃牛排，服務員問How would you like your steak done?
我朋友沒聽懂，就聽別人點的時候說medium , 他就想“我不能跟他們學”
他就跟服務員說，large please.
服務員一愣，說sorry we don’t have that.
然後他又說，small please.
服務員又嚇了一跳，說sorry we don’t have that.
他身邊的朋友著急了，告訴他，人家問你牛排要幾分熟。
他隨口就說80%。
服務員又一愣說，sorry we don’t have that……
10 剛來的時候去麥當勞吃飯 沒有餐巾 然後跟人說要paper。
那人過會給我拿來了張白紙 還問do you need a pen?(還要筆嗎?)
我狂暈了半天 然後去廁所洗手的
注：paper是紙，餐巾紙應該是tissue