Improvement
One student to another: "How are your English lessons coming along?"
"Fine. I used to be one who couldn't understand the English men, and now it's the English men who can't understand me."
一位學生對另一位說：“你的英語最近學的怎麼樣?”“很好，我過去不懂英國人說話，可現在是英國人不懂我的話了。”
現在幾點了
The two boys were camping in the backyard. When they couldn't figure out what time it was, the first boy said to the second, "Start singing very loud."
"How will that help?" said the second boy.
"Just do it," insisted the first.
Both boys broke into song, singing at the top of their lungs. Moments later, a neighbor threw open her window and shouted, "Keep it down! Don't you know it's three o'clock in the morning?"
兩個男孩子在後院露營，他們不知道到了晚上幾點鐘。於是，一個男孩對另外一個說：“我們開始大聲唱歌就行了。”
“那就會知道時間嗎?”第二個男孩問。
“只管唱吧。”第一個堅持道。
兩個孩子開始大聲唱歌，過了一會兒，一個鄰居開啟窗戶喊道：“小聲點!你們不知道現在是凌晨三點嗎?”
Reason of Punishment 懲罰的原因
One day a little girl came home from school, and said to her mother, Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn't do.
The mother exclaimed, But that's terrible! I'm going to have a talk with your teacher about this! By the way, what was it that you didn't do?
The little girl replied, My homework.
一天，小女孩從學校回到家裡，對媽媽說：媽媽，今天在學校裡我因為一件我沒有做的事情而受到懲罰。
媽媽激動地說：那真是太可怕了!我要跟你的老師好好談一談，對了，你沒有做過的那件事是什麼?
小女孩回答說：我的家庭作業。
我需要器官移植
The patient is adamant. "Doc, I need a liver transplant, a kidney transplant, a heart transplant, a cornea transplant, a spleen transplant, a pancreas trans. . ." "What makes you think you need all these?" Well, replied the patient, "My boss said if I wanted to keep my job I needed to get reorganized."
這個病人顯得很堅決。“醫生，我需要做肝臟移植、腎臟移植、心臟移植、角膜移植、脾臟移植、胰腺移植和……” “你為什麼認為你需要做這麼多移植手術?”病人回答：“哦，是這樣，我的老闆說如果我這個人不重新組裝的話，就別想保住我的工作!”
我不是這個意思
In a cinema during a performance one of the audience gets up, makes his way along the row of seats and goes out into the foyer.
A few minutes later he returns and asks the man sitting at the head of the row: "Excuse me, was it your foot I stepped on when I was going out a moment ago?"
"Yes, but it doesn't really matter. It didn't hurt at all."
"Oh, no, it isn't that. I only want to make sure that this is my row."
在一家電影院裡，一名觀眾在演出期間站了起來，沿著他那排位子走到休息室去了。
幾分鐘後，他回到那排位子並問坐在首位的那位男士道：“對不起，請問我剛才出去的.時候是踩著你的腳嗎?”
“是的，不過沒什麼關係，一點也不疼。”
“噢，不，我不是這個意思。我只是想確認一下這是不是我的那排位子。”
讓座
Little Johnny says Mom: "when I was on the bus with Daddy this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady."
"Well, you've done the right thing." says Mommy.
"But Mommy, I was sitting on daddy's lap."
小約翰告訴媽媽：”早上我和爸爸坐公車時，他讓我給一位女士讓座。“
”好，你做得對。“媽媽說。
”但是，媽媽，我那時正坐在爸爸的大腿上。“