我要做的一切就是付錢!All I do is pay
"My family is just like a nation," Mr. Brown told his colleague. "My
wife is the minister of finance, my mother-in-law is the minister of war,
and my daughter is foreign secretary."
"Sounds interesting, " his colleague replied. "And what is your
position?"
"I’m the people. All I do is pay."
布朗先生告訴同事說：“我的家簡直就象一個國家一樣。我妻子
是財政部長。我岳母是作戰部長，我女兒是外交祕書。”
“聽上去挺有意思的，”他的同事說，“那你的'職務是什麼呢?”
“我就是老百姓。我要做的一切就是付錢。”
喂狗 For the Dog
The family seated in a restaurant had finished their dinner when Father Called over the waiter.
"My son has left quite a lot of meat on his plate," explained Father, "Could you give me a bag so that I can take it home for the dog?"
"Gosh, Dad!" exclaimed the excited boy. "Have we got a dog then?"
一家人在飯館裡吃過晚飯，父親把服務生叫了過來。
”先生，什麼事?“服務生問。
”我兒子的盤子裡剩下許多肉，“父親說，”能給我們一個袋子嗎?我把剩下的東西帶回去喂狗。“
”啊呀，爸爸!“兒子激動地叫喊著。”咱家養狗了嗎?“
腦移植 A Brain Transplant
The Brain Surgeon was about to perform a brain transplant.
"You have your choice of two brains," he told the patient, "For $1000 you can have the brain of a psychologist, or for $10,000 you can have the brain of a politician."
The patient was amazed at the huge difference in price. "Is the brain of a politician that much better?" he asked.
The Brain Surgeon replied, "No, it’s not better, just unused."
一個外科醫生正要作一個腦移植手術。
“你可以從兩個腦子中選一個給你。”醫生告訴病人，“一個心理學家的大腦1000美元，一個政治家的大腦10000美元。
病人很驚訝二者之間這樣大的差別，“政治家的大腦好一些嗎?”他問。
醫生說：“不是好一些，只是沒有用過。”
最醜的孩子
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."
一位女士抱著她的寶寶上公交車，司機看到後說：“額，那是我這輩子見過的最醜的小孩。”
The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me." The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
女士走到車廂後面坐下，感到很憤怒。她對旁邊的男士說：“司機剛剛羞辱了我。”男士迴應說：“你快上去斥責他。去吧，我替你抱著你的猴子。”
我娶了你的姐妹
A woman whose husband often came home drunk decided to cure him of the habit. One Halloween night, she put on a devil suit and hid behind a tree to intercept him on the way home.
一位婦人發現丈夫回家的時候總是爛醉如泥，她決定為丈夫治好這個毛病。一個萬聖節夜裡，她穿上一套魔鬼戲服，躲在樹後，準備在丈夫返家時攔截他的去路。
When her husband came by, she jumped out and stood before him with her red horns, long tail, and pitchfork.
當丈夫走近時，她從樹後跳出來，站到他面前，頭上帶著紅色的羊角、身後有長長的尾巴，手中握著鋼叉。
"Who are you?" he asked.
“你是誰?”丈夫問到。
"I'm the Devil!" she responded.
“我是魔鬼!”她回答到。
"Well, come on home with me," he said, "I married your sister!"
“噢，那你跟我一起回家吧，”丈夫說，“我娶了你的姐妹!”
小女孩的願望
On the way home after watching a ballet performance, the kindergarten teacher asked her students what they thought of it. The smallest girl in the class said she wished the dancers were taller so that they would not have to stand on their toes all the time.
在觀看完芭蕾舞表演回家的路上，幼兒園老師問學生的觀後感。班上最小的女孩說，她希望舞蹈演員可以長得更高一點兒，那麼他們就不用整天踮著腳尖了。