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幽默英語笑話(一)
A Bad Impression
Six people were travelling in a compartment on a train. Five of them were quiet and well behaved, but the sixth was a rude young man who was causing a lot of trouble to the other passengers.
At last this young man got out at a station with his two heavy bags. None of the other passengers helped him, but one of them waited until the rude young man was very far away and then opened the window and shouted to him, "You left something behind in the compartment!" Then he closed the window again.
The young man truned around and hurried back with his two bags. He was very tired when he arrived, but he shouted through the window, "What did I leave behind?"
As the train began to move again, the passenger who had called him back opened the window and said, "A very bad impression!"
一個壞印象
有六個人搭乘火車旅行，坐在同一車箱內。其中五個很安靜，也很規矩。但第六個是個粗魯的年輕人，給其他乘客招惹了許多麻煩。
最後，這位年輕人在一個車站帶著兩個沉重的皮箱下了車。沒有一個旅客幫他的忙。有個人一直等到這位粗魯的年輕人走得很遠了，才打開窗戶，對著他大聲喊：“你把東西留在車廂裡了!”然後，又把窗戶關了起來。
年輕人轉過身子，拎著兩個沉甸甸的皮箱，匆匆趕了回來。他轉回來時，顯得非常疲倦，對著窗戶大聲喊：“我把什麼東西留在車上了?”
當火車再次啟動時，叫他回來的旅客開啟窗戶說：“一個極壞的印象!”
幽默英語笑話(二)
A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help? I promised a friend I would meet him an hourago, but I don't know where I am."
The woman below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."
"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.
"I am," replied the woman. "How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of you, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help so far."
The woman below responded, "You must be in management."
"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault!"
一個男人在熱氣球上，發現自己迷失了方向。他下降高度，下方有一個婦女。他又下降了一點，大聲呼喊,"打擾下，你能幫個忙嗎，一個小時以前我答應了一個朋友要和他見面，但現在我不知道我身處何地。”
婦女在下面回答，“你在一個熱氣球裡，大約離地面三十英尺。你在北緯40-41度之間，西經59-60度之間。”
“你必定是個工程設計師，”氣球上的.男人說。
“我是，”女人回答。“你是怎麼知道的?”
“是這樣，”氣球上的男人說“你告訴我的事在技術上都是正確的，但是我無法理解你的看法，事實是我依舊迷失。坦白說，到目前為止你沒幫上我多少。”
下面的婦女迴應道，“你一定是在管理部門工作。”
“我是，”氣球上的男人回答，“這你是怎麼知道的?”
“是啊，”婦女說，“你總是不知道你在哪裡，也不知道你要去哪裡。你的上升，是由於大量的熱氣。你對別人許下的承諾，你不知道如何履行，而且你還期望在你下面的人會解決你的問題。事實就是在我們見面之前，我們都在完全相同的立場上，可現在，不知怎麼地，卻成了我的錯了。”
幽默英語笑話(三)
孩子和媽媽
A curious child asked his mother: “Mommy, why are some of your hairs turning grey?”
一個孩子好奇的問媽媽：“媽咪，為什麼你的頭髮有的變灰白了?”
The mother tried to use this occasion to teach her child: “It is because of you, dear. Every bad action of yours will turn one of my hairs grey!”
媽媽想利用這個機會好好教育教育她的孩子：“因為你啊，寶貝。每次你不聽話，我就會有一根頭髮變灰白的。”
The child replied innocently: “Now I know why grandmother has only grey hairs on her head.”
孩子天真的回答：“現在我知道為什麼外祖母頭上只有灰白的頭髮了。”