死後重生
"Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees. "Yes, Sir." the new recruit replied."Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you.
“你相信人能死後重生嗎?”老闆問他的一個員工。 “我相信，先生”。這位剛上班不久的員工回答。 “哦，那還好”。老闆接著說。 “你昨天提早下班去參加你祖母的葬禮後，她老人家到這兒看你來了。”
輕率的插話
The fine-furniture store where I work has been in business since the 1920s. Recently I received a call from a woman who wanted to replace some chairs from a dining set purchased from us in the 1930s. I assured her we could help and sought the assistance of the office manager. "You'll never believe this one, " I told him." I just got a call from a customer who bought some chairs from us in the 1930s. " Before I could finish repeating her request, he interrupted and said, "Don't tell me she hasn't received them yet!"
我所工作的精品傢俱商店是從20世紀二十年代以來就營業的。最近我接到一個婦女的電話。她想換一套餐具中的一些椅子。這套餐具她是在三十年代從我們這兒買的。我向她保證說我們可以幫她的忙，於是我向部門經理尋求幫助。“你永遠也不會相信，”我對他說，“我剛接到一個顧客的電話，她在三十年代從我們這裡買了一些椅子。” 我還沒來得及說她的要求，經理就打斷了我的話：“你別告訴我她到現在還沒收到貨!”
冰箱裡的儲蓄罐
My cousin always "borrows" money from her older brother's piggy bank, which drives him crazy.
我表妹總是從她哥哥的小豬撲滿裡“借錢”，她哥哥對此事感到很憤怒。
One day, she found the piggy in, of all places, the refrigerator.
一天，表妹四處尋找，最後竟然在冰箱裡發現了撲滿。
Inside was this note: "Dear sister, I hope you'll understand, but my capital has been frozen."
撲滿裡有張紙條：“親愛的妹妹，我希望你能夠理解，我的資產現在已被凍結。”
I Understand Him我懂他的話
While eating in a restaurant, I reprimanded my four-year-old son for speaking with his mouth full . "Mump umn Kmpfhm," was all I heard.
"Drew," I scolded, "no one can understand a word you're saying.
"He says he wants some ketchup," my husband said calmly . A woman sitting nearby leaned over and asked, "How in the world did you understand him?"
"I'm a dentist," my husband explained.
在飯店吃飯的時候，我申斥我4歲的兒子，因為他滿嘴食物在說話。“喔、呢”，我聽到的就是這些。 “祖，”我責備道，“沒人明白你在說什麼。” “他說他要一些番茄醬，”我丈夫平靜地說。坐在旁邊的一位婦女靠過來問道：“你究竟如何明白他的'話的呢?” “我是牙醫。”我丈夫解釋道。
我為什麼逃避手術
A man was seen fleeing down the hall of the hospital just before his operation.
一位男士在進行手術前被發現正沿著醫院的大廳逃離。
"What's the matter?" he was asked.
“發生了什麼?”有人問他。
He said, "I heard the nurse say, 'It's a very simple operation, don't worry, I'm sure it will be all right.'"
男士回答道：“我聽見護士說，‘這只是一個簡單的手術。不用擔心，我相信不會出問題的。’”
"She was just trying to comfort you, what's so frightening about that?"
“她這樣做是想讓你感到安心啊，有什麼好害怕的?”
"She was talking to the damn doctor!"
“可她是在對那該死的手術醫生說!”
The Cemetery Shortcut為抄近路走墓地
Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs.
萬聖節派對過後，兩男人圖個樂呵，打算抄近路穿過墓地回家。
Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows.
走到墓地中央時，他們被從迷霧中傳來的“答、答、答”聲驚嚇到了。
Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.
正當兩人害怕得渾身顫抖時，他們看到是個老頭拿著鐵錘和鑿子，在一塊墓石上鑿著什麼。
"Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his breath, "You scared us half to death -- we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?"
“哇塞，先生，”其中一人喘了口氣說，“你把我們嚇得半死啊，我們還以為遇上鬼了呢!那麼晚了你在這裡做什麼?”
"Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!"
“那幫白痴!”老頭抱怨道，“他們把我名字拼錯啦!”