多看英語笑話可以長壽。看到有趣的帶翻譯英語笑話，你就會笑了，這樣什麼煩心事就沒有了，下面由本站小編為您整理的英語笑話。
兩個笨賊
Two robbers were robbing a hotel. The first robber said, "I hear sirens. Jump!" The second one said, "But we're on the 13 th floor!" The first one screamed back, "This is no time to be superstitious!"
兩個盜賊在一家旅館偷東西。第一個說：“我聽到警報響了，快跳吧!” 第二個說：“但是我們現在在第13層啊!” 第一個尖叫著回敬他：“都什麼時候了，還這麼迷信!”
結婚的花費
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
小男孩問他的父親：“爸爸，結婚要花多少錢?”
His father replied, "I don't know, son, because I'm still paying for it now."
他的父親回答說：“兒子，我不知道，因為我現在還在為它付賬呢。”
理髮師
Harry: "My big brother shaves every day."
哈里：“我哥哥每天都刮臉。”
Henry: "My brother shaves fifty times a day."
亨利：“我哥哥每天刮50次臉。”
Harry: "Is he crazy?"
哈里：“他瘋了嗎?”
Henry: "No, he's a barber."
亨利：“沒有，他是一名理髮師。”
年少無知
Jimmy is three years old.
吉米3歲了。
One day, he was gazing out of the window when the night fell. He suddenly shouted, "Mum, mum, come close the window!"
一天，他正在視窗觀望，夜幕降臨。他突然喊道：“媽媽，媽媽，快來關窗!”
"Why? It's not cold, sonny."
“為什麼?天不冷呀，寶貝。”
"Yes, mum, but the night will come inside."
“是的，媽媽，可黑夜會進來。”
快速靠岸
A guy I know was towing his boat home from a fishing trip to Lake Huron when his car broke down. He didn't have his cell phone with him, but he thought maybe he might be able to raise someone on his marine radio to call for roadside assistance. He climbed into his boat, clicked on the radio and said, "Mayday, mayday." A Coast Guard officer came on and said, "State your location." "I-75, two miles south of Standish." After a very long pause, the officer asked, "How fast were you going when you reached shore?"
在休倫湖釣完魚後，我的一個朋友開車拖著他的船回家。路上車壞了。 他沒帶手機，不過，他想，也許他可以通過海事無線廣播來請求公路援助。 於是，他爬到他的船裡面，啟動了無線裝置，喊道，“求救，求救”。一名海岸護衛隊警官作出了迴應，“報告你的位置”。“I-75號公路，Standish的南面兩英里”。沉默了好一會之後，警官問我的'朋友，“你的船靠岸時開得有多快?”
冰箱裡的小兔子
A lady opened her refrigerator and saw a rabbit sitting on one of the shelves, "What are you doing in there?" she asked.
一位女士開啟冰箱門，發現一隻兔子坐在其中的一層隔板上，就問它：“你在那裡做什麼?”
The rabbit replied, "This is a Westinghouse, isn't it?"
兔子回答：“這是Westinghouse對不對?”(Westinghouse，西屋電氣公司)
The lady confirmed, "Yes."
女士確認道：“沒錯。”
"Well," the rabbit said,"I'm westing."
兔子說：“那就對了，我就是要往西邊去。”
Rabbit: Are you sure this bottle of special carrot juice will cure me?
兔子：你確信這瓶特製胡蘿蔔汁能治好我的病?
Doctor: Absolutely. No rabbit ever came back for another.
醫生：當然咯，凡是喝過的兔子沒有一隻來要第二瓶的。
Baby Rabbit: Mommy, where did I come from?
兔寶寶：媽咪，我是從哪兒來的呢?
Mother Rabbit: I'll tell you when you're older.
兔媽媽：等你長大點再告訴你。
Baby Rabbit: Oh, Mommy, please, tell me now.
兔寶寶：噢媽咪，現在就告訴我吧，求您了。
Mother Rabbit: If you must know, you were pulled from a magician's hat.
兔媽媽：如果你一定要知道，那我告訴你你是從魔術師的帽子裡被拽出來的。