導語：開心也是一天，不開心也是一天，不如開開心心過好每一天吧！下面小編給大家收集整理了有關英語的笑話，希望大家喜歡，也希望大家每一天都開開心心！
1、 "A group of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Holland. As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goats' milk was used. She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing. These, she explained, were the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produced. She then asked, "What do you do with your older goats in America?" A spry old gentleman answered, "They send us on bus tours!"
一群美國人乘長途汽車在荷蘭旅遊。他們在一個乳酪場停下來。一位年輕的導遊帶他們參觀了乳酪製作的全過程，解釋說用的是羊奶。 她指給這群人一個美麗的山坡，山坡上許多羊在吃草。對這些，她解釋說，是放逐草地的老羊，它們已不能再產奶。她然後問道：“在美國你們怎樣處理老羊呢？” 一位活潑的老紳士回答說：“他們讓我們乘車旅行！”"
2、 Ask Your OwnIt was a cold，raw day at Washington．Champ Clark was discussing the gamins of the cities with an English visitor．The latter expatiated on the wit of the London type of the genius．Clark declared that if the Englishman were to ask any Washington street urchin any question，the urchin would make anaptreply．They sallied forth． “What time is it，Bub？They tell me you can tell time by your nose，”said the visitor to the first newsboy they met． “Ask your own，mister，mine ain't run nin’，”was the reply．
這是華盛頓的一個陰冷天。錢普·克拉克正和一個來訪的英國人討論城市的流浪兒，英國人詳細地敘述著倫敦式天才的機智。克拉克宣稱，要是對方向華盛頓街上任何一個兒童提任何問題，那孩子都會對答如流。他們便出發了。 “什麼時候了，小兄弟？人們說你能用鼻子報時。” 回答是：“先生，問問你自己的吧，的不在走呢。”
3、 "The school of agriculture's dean of admissions was interviewing a prospective student. "Why have you chosen this career?" he asked."I dream of making a million dollars in farming, like my father," the student replied."Your father made a million dollars in farming?" echoed the impressed dean."No," replied the applicant. "But he always dreamed of it.
農校的招生辦主任在面試一個上線的學生，“你為何要選擇這個職業？”他問。 “我夢想以經營農場來賺一百萬元，就像我父親一樣。”這個學生回答說。 “你父親經營農場賺了一百萬元？”主任驚詫地問道。“沒有，”這位申請人回答道，“他總是夢想著賺到這個數目。”
4、 "Uncle Frank, at 79, was a healthy and wealthy man, a lifelong bachelor. He courted a lot, he said, but "never boiled over-just simmered." On a whim, he decided to take a trip around the country to look up nearly a dozen old girlfriends. Upon his return he exclaimed, "Whew! Thank goodness I never married any of those women - They're all widows now!
弗蘭克叔叔七十八歲了，富有而健康。他是個終生單身漢。他曾追求過很多女孩，但“從不過熱----見好就收”。一天他突發奇想，決定四處走走，去看看他那些接近一打的舊時女友。他回來即嘆道：“噓！謝天謝地幸虧我沒娶那些女人中的任何一個。如今她們都成寡婦了！”
5、 "A boy cried to his mother, "All the children make fun of me. They say I have a big head." "Don't listen to them," his mother said, "You have a beautiful head. Now stop crying and go to the store to buy twenty pounds of patotoes.""Where is the shopping bag?" "I haven't got one-use your hat."
一個小男孩向他母親哭訴道：“他們都取笑我，說我腦袋大。” “別聽他們的，”他母親安慰道，“你有一個很漂亮的腦袋。好啦，別哭了，去商店買十斤土豆來。” “購物袋在哪兒？” “沒購物袋了----就用你的帽子吧。”
6、 "Hurrying my 11-year old daughter to school, I made a right turn at a red light when it was prohibited. Uh-oh, I said, realizing my mistake. I just make an illegal turn.I guess it's all right, my daughter replied, The police car behind us did the same thing.
我趕著開車將11歲的女兒送到學校去，在紅燈處右拐了，而那是不允許的(譯註:在一些國家如英國,其交通規則是車輛左行的,與我國相反)。啊噢，意識到犯了錯誤，我說。我剛才拐彎是違章的.。我想那沒關係的，女兒回答說：我們後面的警車也同樣拐了彎。"
7、 "A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimetres from a shop driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much. "The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years."
乘客輕拍了一下出租車司機的肩膀，想問個問題。司機大叫起來，車也失去了控制，幾乎撞上一輛公車，還上了便道，在還差幾釐米就撞上商店櫥窗時終於停了下來。司機說：“夥計，別再這麼幹了。你把我嚇破膽了！”乘客抱歉地說，“我沒想到拍你一下就嚇成這樣。” 司機說：“對不起，也不全是你的錯。今天是我第一天開出租，以前25年裡我一直開殯葬車。”
8、 A burglar breaks into a house. He sees a CD player that he wants so he takes it. Then he hears a voice "JESUS is watching you". He looks around with his flashlight wandering "What The HELL Was That?". He spots some $ on a table and takes again he hears a voice " JESUS is watching you". He hides in a corner trying to find where the voice came from. He spots a birdcage with a parrot in it! He goes over and asks " Was that your voice?". It said "YES". He then says "What's your name?". It says "MOSES". The burglar says " What kind of person names his bird moses??" The parrot replys "THE SAME PERSON THAT NAMES HIS Rottweiler "JESUS".
一個竊賊潛入一戶人家。他看到一個喜歡的CD機，他趕緊拿了。就在這個時候他聽到有人說：“耶穌正在看著你。”他照著手電看來看去，嘀咕著：“到底是什麼人在說話？”這時，他看到桌子上有些錢，他又拿了。。。那聲音又來了：“耶穌正在看著 你。”他躲到一個角落，想找 出是誰在說話。結果看到一隻鸚鵡，於是他問鸚鵡：“是你在說話嗎？”鸚 鵡承認了。 小賊說：“你叫什麼名字？”“摩西”。小賊說：“什麼人給鳥取這種名字？”鸚鵡回答：“就是那個給他的羅威那犬取名為‘耶穌’的那個人啊。”
9、 "The girl found the go-between and said, "You cheated me ! One of his eyes is not true. Why didn't you tell me this before ?" "I have told you. " said the go-between with justice on his side, When you met first, I told you that he settled on you with one eye.
姑娘找到媒人，說：“你欺騙了我。他的一隻眼是假眼，你以前為什麼不告訴我？” “怎麼沒告訴你？”媒人也不甘示弱，“你們第一回見面後，我就說，他一眼就看中你了。”
10、 "Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents'. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the younger one began praying at the top of his lungs. "I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE... I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO... I PRAY FOR A NEW VCR..."His older brother nudged him and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf."To which the younger one replied, "No, but Grandma is!"
兩個小男孩在他們的祖父母家過夜。睡覺時間到了，這兩個小男孩跪在床上祈禱。弟弟用非常大的聲音祈禱著，“我祈求有一輛新自行車……我祈求有一個新遊戲機……我祈求有一個新錄影機……”他的哥哥用胳膊肘輕輕地碰了他一下，說：“你為什麼這麼大聲地喊叫呢？上帝又不是聾子。”弟弟聽了回答道：“上帝是不聾，可奶奶聾呀！”