英文笑話帶翻譯一：
"Professor, I did the best I could on this test. I really don't think I deserve a zero."
"Neither do I. But that's the lowest grade I'm allowed to give."
學生：“教授先生，我這次考試已經竭盡全力了。我真的覺得我不應該得零蛋。”老師：“我也是。但是這已經是我能給的最低分了!”
英文笑話帶翻譯二：
An Ogden, Iowa, minister was matching coins with a member of his congregation(集會) for a cup of coffee. When asked if that didn't constitute gambling, the minister replied, "It's merely a scientific method of determining just who is going to commit an act of charity."Philosopher Bertrand Russell, asked if he was willing to die for his beliers, replied: "Of course not. After all, I may be wrong."A newspaper organized a contest for the best answer to the question: "If a fire broke out in the Louvre, and if you could only save one painting, which one would you carry out?"The winning reply was: "The one nearest the exit."
衣阿華州奧格根的.一位牧師正在與一位教友為一杯咖啡而猜硬幣。別人問他那是否構成賭博行為時，牧師答道：“這僅僅是決定由誰來做一件善事的一種科學方法。”當我人問哲學家羅素是否願意為了他的信仰而獻身時，他答道：“當然不會。畢竟，我可能會是錯的。”一份報紙組織了一場競賽，為下面的問題徵集最佳答案：“如果盧浮宮起了火，而你只能救出一幅畫，你將救出哪一幅?” 獲獎的答案是：“最接近門口的那一幅。”
英文笑話帶翻譯三：
Peter joined the army when he was eighteen, and for several months he was taught how to be a good soldier. He did quite well in everything except day he and his friends were practicing their shooting, and all of them were doing quite well except Peter. After he had shot at the target nine times and had not hit it once, the officer who was trying to teach the young soldiers to shoot said, You're quite hopeless, Peter! Don't waste your last bullet too! Go behind that wall and shoot yourself with it!Peter felt ashamed. He went behind the wall, and a few seconds later the officer and the other young soldiers heard the sound of a ens! The officer said. Has that silly man really shot himself?He ran behind the wall anxiously, but Peter was all right. I'm sorry, sir, he said, but I missed again.
彼得十八歲那年參了軍，他需要參加幾個月的學習以成為一名好士兵。彼得在其他方面都做得很好，但是射擊不行。一天他和夥伴們練習射擊，除了彼得其他人都沒有問題。他射了九次，一次也沒有命中目標。這時，教新兵射擊的教官說：彼得，你看來是沒希望了，不要連最後一發子彈都浪費掉!去那堵牆後面用它向自己打一槍吧。彼得感到非常慚愧。他走到那堵牆後面。幾分鐘後，教官和新兵們聽到一聲槍響。上帝!教官叫起來，難道那個笨蛋真的朝自己開槍了?他急忙跑到那堵牆後面，發現彼得安然無恙。對不起，長官，他說，我還是沒有命中。