一個英國人從他住的旅店房間裡走出來。來到走廊上，叫旅店的服務員給他拿一杯水來。服務員按他的要求做了。只不過是我的房間裡起火了。更多英語笑話盡在應屆畢業生笑話網。
小偷對自己做的.最壞打算--雙語幽默笑話
A shoplifter(商店扒手) was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from a jewelry store. "Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don't want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch, and we forget about this?"
一個小偷在一家珠寶店企圖偷走一隻手錶的時候被當場擒獲。“聽著，”小偷說，“我知道你們也不想惹麻煩。我把這隻表買下，然後我們就當什麼也沒發生，你看怎樣?”
The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook(騙子，壞蛋) looked at the slip and said, "This is a little more than I intended to spend."
經理表示同意，然後列了一張售貨單。小偷看著單子說道：“這比我最初的預算稍稍高了一點，你們還有沒有便宜一點兒東西。"
杯水救火災--雙語幽默笑話
Once, late at night, an Englishman came out of his room into the corridor(走廊) of a hotel and asked the servant to bring him a glass of water. The servant did as he was asked. The Englishman re-entered his room, but a few minutes later he came into the corridor again and once more asked the servant for a glass of water. The servant brought him another glass of water. Every few minutes the Englishmen would come out of his room and repeat his request. After a half-hour the astonished servant decided to ask the Englishman what he was doing with the water. Nothing, the Englishman answered imperturbably(平靜地) , It’s simply that my room is on fire.
一天晚上，一個英國人從他住的旅店房間裡走出來。來到走廊上，叫旅店的服務員給他拿一杯水來。服務員按他的要求做了。英國人回到了他的房間裡，幾分鐘後他又來到走廊上，讓服務員再給他送一杯水。服務員又給他送了一杯水。每隔幾分鐘。英國人就走出房間重複他的要求。 半小時之後.這位感到驚訝的服務員決定問問房客要這些水乾什麼，英國人不謊不忙地回答：沒什麼.只不過是我的房間裡起火了。
為報紙上的競賽競選最佳答案--雙語幽默笑話
An Ogden, Iowa, minister was matching coins with a member of his congregation(集會) for a cup of coffee. When asked if that didn't constitute gambling, the minister replied, "It's merely a scientific method of determining just who is going to commit an act of charity."
衣阿華州奧格根的一位牧師正在與一位教友為一杯咖啡而猜硬幣。別人問他那是否構成賭博行為時，牧師答道：“這僅僅是決定由誰來做一件善事的一種科學方法。”
Philosopher Bertrand Russell, asked if he was willing to die for his beliers, replied: "Of course not. After all, I may be wrong."
當我人問哲學家羅素是否願意為了他的信仰而獻身時，他答道：“當然不會。畢竟，我可能會是錯的。”
A newspaper organized a contest for the best answer to the question: "If a fire broke out in the Louvre, and if you could only save one painting, which one would you carry out?"
一份報紙組織了一場競賽，為下面的問題徵集最佳答案：“如果盧浮宮起了火，而你只能救出一幅畫，你將救出哪一幅?”
The winning reply was: "The one nearest the exit."
獲獎的答案是：“最接近門口的那一幅。”